The Last Word Or The Blessing

Four times this year, and he could give you the exact wording of every one of them.

That is the first thing worth noticing. He can quote himself. The line at the end, in each case, is available to him instantly, and he has replayed all four at various points, usually while driving, and they are good lines.

They were also, in every case, the last thing said. He made sure of it. That is a skill and he has had it since he was about nineteen, and it has never once failed him: he knows how to end a conversation in a way that leaves nothing available to the other person except leaving.

Two of the four were with people he loves.

And here is the thing he has not been able to put down since about April. Every single time, in the twenty minutes afterwards, there is a small sick feeling in the chest, under the ribs, on the right, and it comes about ninety seconds after the door shuts.

He used to think it was adrenaline. It is not.

He has started to notice something else, too. Of the four people, one no longer rings. One is polite in a way she was not before. The other two are fine, apparently, but he has caught himself, twice, choosing not to say something to one of them, and he has never in his life been a man who does not say things.

He won all four. He is entirely certain he was right in at least three.

Ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing

Stand on the corner a minute, because Peter says the thing you have been circling since April, he says it as a calling rather than as advice, and the Holy Spirit is the one who has kept it circling.

Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.1 Peter 3:9

Contrariwise blessing.

Not: do not retaliate. Not: hold your tongue, which is what most people hear. The instruction is to do the opposite thing, actively, which means the sentence at the end of the conversation is not deleted, it is replaced.

And notice the ground he gives. Ye are thereunto called. It is not a technique for better outcomes and it is not offered as a way of winning differently. It is a calling, stated as the reason, which puts it in the same category as everything else you are.

Hear this on the corner. You are not a man with a temper problem, and the written word is what settles it. Scripture calls you to bless as a matter of what you are, and the Holy Spirit is the one who has been producing that small sick feeling ninety seconds after every door for years, because He is not agreeing with your assessment of those four conversations.

Now let me name the skill honestly, because it is a real skill and I am not going to insult you by pretending it is nothing.

You can end a conversation. You have been able to since nineteen. It is a genuine capability, nothing written in Scripture calls it a sin, and the Holy Spirit has used it: there are three or four moments in your life where it was the right thing and it protected somebody, and you know which ones they are.

The trouble with a capability is that it goes looking for work.

And the four this year were not those moments. Two of them were with people you love, and in both cases the thing you ended was not an argument, it was a conversation that was still going, and you closed it because you could.

Hear this too, and let it land under the ribs where the feeling lives. You are not being punished, and Scripture is what says so. What is written calls you to bless and names it as your inheritance, and the Spirit of God is not making you feel that in order to condemn you, He is telling you where a door has been shut that did not need shutting.

And now the practical thing, and it is not about losing.

You are not being asked to lose the argument. The written word does not say that and the Holy Spirit is not asking it. You may still be right, and in at least three of those you were, and the being right is not what is at issue.

What is at issue is the last sentence. That is all. One sentence, at the end, and at the moment it is a line you have been sharpening since you were nineteen, and the written word wants a blessing in that slot and the Holy Spirit is the one who carries what goes into it.

So change what goes in that slot. Not the argument. The slot.

Say one good true thing about the other person, out loud, at the end, before you go.

You will find it almost impossible the first time. You will also find that you cannot say a true good thing about somebody and hold the sharpened line in your mouth at the same time, and that the sick feeling does not arrive at all.